Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
