We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
