He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
