i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
