I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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