plz talk dirty to me
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
