May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
