i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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