Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
