Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
