I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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