He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're a waste of cheezeits
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
