that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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