3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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