I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
