saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im holly from the hills drunk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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