You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
