i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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