Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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