I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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