I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
