I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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