I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
