How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sacagawea was the original milf.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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