i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So here I am, sexting at work.
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