we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
