My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
