i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
