Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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