i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
