I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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