This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
well you can't waste a boner
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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