ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
