You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
