and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
