The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
