Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
