Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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