before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
