you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thank you for not boning my boss.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
