First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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