At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
