I accidentally burped into my bong.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
