your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
