I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
