How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
