he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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