what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
