okay pat passed out under dana's car
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
