her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
