Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
