at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
God, you're like boner-b-gone
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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