omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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