gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
